Places in my mind

Sometimes the places my mind wanders are hard to thread.

I feel blisters on my soles that I have to bear.

I feel the schorching sun melting my head

Because even happiness hurts when I laugh.

I feel the rain falling down my face

Mixing fears and tears, pleasure and pain.

I am chased by darkness and I cannot escape

Still I strive for the safety of a loved one’s embrace.

I stroll towards insanity

And play with dark memories

I try to escape the enemies

But they laugh for they know

That I am fighting on my own.

And when I get tired and all ends

Will it be sweet or sour

And wil it take the pain away

And when all is gone

And love is lost

And all is doomed 

What will I do…

A part of me died today

A part of me died today

that part where dreams are made

and illusions are held in golden cages

A part of me died today

buried with half-broken hopes

and cracked joys

and half-consumed ecstasies

and blown up soap bubbles

A part of me was gone today

and said farewell to promises

and spit on my shallow happiness

and left me here to cry and bleed
A part of me was gone today

and I’m afraid I will never recover
that part of me who should be assertive

and should be adult

and should make me feel better, not worse
that part of me called self-esteem…


(Drawing by Alice Fagiolo)

An English teacher’s thoughts

No matter how you much you know or think you know, there is always something extra to learn. 

Students are always teaching you things.

Students have different needs and you should always act accordingly.

When you think you have mastered a subject, there will always be a new challenge.

Never let students feel your insecurities. They will eat you alive. 

You are not perfect. 

You are NOT a dictionary. Don’t feel bad if you don’t know every single word students ask you. 

You will feel like the best teacher in the world. 

You will feel like the worst teacher in the world. 

Some students will love you unconditionally, and some will hate you just as much. 

Successful students will always remain special in your heart and so will the difficult ones. 

You will feel invincible one day and a total wreck the next. 

You won’t help them all but you’ll hope you’ve made a difference to some. 

English is awesome. 

Above all, have fun. 

Tired

Tired of this loneliness that nests in my heart

of these dark shadows that lurk all over my head

of my fuzzy brain

and my dark inner thoughts

just tired

of injustice and malice

of disagreements and fights

of blaming myself

of blaming others

of trying so hard when it leads to nothing

tired

of reaching out to emptiness

of smiling when it’s the case for weeping

of making mistakes and saying I’m sorry

tired

of being a mess of a human being

The thing is…

I’m just tired of everything.

(Painting by Margaret Keane)

Monalisa smile

As you look at the mirror do you wonder what is behind your Monalisa smile? 

Do you see yourself as a saint, or do you have erotic secrets you hide? 

What is behind that smirk? Is it contempt for your life? Do you fear what others may think and what you can’t deny? 

And behind those sad eyes in which the universe can be seen, what do you see?

Do you see yourself as the hero or the villain of your story?

Behind that smile, are your fears like mine and our anxieties alike? 

Behind those eyes, are you terrified of goodbyes? 

What are the truths and lies behind that ambiguous smile?

Are you up to face the world or hide?

Stay or run away? 

Break apart or break away? 

One day, Monalisa, one day your smile will give your secrets away. 

So long, hello

So long, sun, and with you another day wasted on sadness and maddening thoughts.

So long to scorching desires buried in properness and religious guilt.

So long to you leaving work after a tiresome day only to be welcomed by more troubles at home.

So long farewell friends who always plan on meeting but never do because of life, and love, and lost and emptiness.

So long nation and social networks that have become nations and shout for freedom and drop bombs while preaching for peace.

So long, so long…

Hello, moon, with your mysterious airs and lovers’ enchantments.

Hello creatures of the night coming out hungry for food and love and fuck.

Hello there stars in the sky and nightclubs drinking to the oblivion of such a wonderful life.

Hello couples and friends of couples and double-dates and triple-dates full of laughter and colourful drinks named specifically to make you yearn for that special night where everything is allowed but nothing is truly permitted.

Hello envy and jealousy after that fun night at the bar spent in funny gossip but bitter comments and poisonous points of views.

Hello there solitary man and woman hating everyone while wanting everyone.

Hello break of dawn.

So long, moon.

Good morning, sun, lazily rising to warm our lonely rancid hearts. And thank you for trying.

 

Slow down

Suddenly I realize I need to slow down. Slow down my negative thoughts and even my positive – quite rare – ones. I need to give myself a break from everyone and everything, including myself. Forget the anxiety I feel for the clock ticking and my heart beating and bleeding for the right things but mostly the wrong ones. 

Make plans without the pressure of time and people breathing down my neck. Just look up, take it all in, let the tears roll down without shame and guilt. Just let it all go and let it all be. 
It turns out I still need Advil.