Places in my mind

Sometimes the places my mind wanders are hard to thread.

I feel blisters on my soles that I have to bear.

I feel the schorching sun melting my head

Because even happiness hurts when I laugh.

I feel the rain falling down my face

Mixing fears and tears, pleasure and pain.

I am chased by darkness and I cannot escape

Still I strive for the safety of a loved one’s embrace.

I stroll towards insanity

And play with dark memories

I try to escape the enemies

But they laugh for they know

That I am fighting on my own.

And when I get tired and all ends

Will it be sweet or sour

And wil it take the pain away

And when all is gone

And love is lost

And all is doomed 

What will I do…

Maturity

And with maturity comes a sense of unknowing what was known. A loss of sweetness and gain of sadness. A darkness that grows at each passing day, crawling under every crack made. You hope for joy, you get undone. You long for freedom where there is none. You crave for love that isn’t there, you feel the void of emptiness. You bare your soul for hopeless tenderness. You bare you body for desire and compassion. What is there but disappointment and despair.

What do you live for if not for death. 

Please, lie

There is a river of tears around my self

Never ending darkness in a deep scary well

I breathe but am I alive

And how am I still here if I’m anything but fine

I have so many scars draw upon my soul

So many silent battles hardly ever won

So many dreams undone

I do not want to leave, though

No, not just yet

And yet… And yet it is hard

To take that leap of faith

To live another day

To stay…

It is hard if all you want to do is cry and hide

I’m sure how much longer I can endure

So please hold me

Say I’m special

Say I’ needed, loved, wanted

Stop making me cry

Just for a second, lie

Then I’ll stay for just a little while.

 

A part of me died today

A part of me died today

that part where dreams are made

and illusions are held in golden cages

A part of me died today

buried with half-broken hopes

and cracked joys

and half-consumed ecstasies

and blown up soap bubbles

A part of me was gone today

and said farewell to promises

and spit on my shallow happiness

and left me here to cry and bleed
A part of me was gone today

and I’m afraid I will never recover
that part of me who should be assertive

and should be adult

and should make me feel better, not worse
that part of me called self-esteem…


(Drawing by Alice Fagiolo)

Tired

Tired of this loneliness that nests in my heart

of these dark shadows that lurk all over my head

of my fuzzy brain

and my dark inner thoughts

just tired

of injustice and malice

of disagreements and fights

of blaming myself

of blaming others

of trying so hard when it leads to nothing

tired

of reaching out to emptiness

of smiling when it’s the case for weeping

of making mistakes and saying I’m sorry

tired

of being a mess of a human being

The thing is…

I’m just tired of everything.

(Painting by Margaret Keane)

You boy

You with your smile which can light up my world and burn my insides at the same time. You with your cropped raven hair which begs for a touch and a tender caress. You with your full red lips which I so want to bite and kiss and feel against my own lips. You with that sharp tongue of yours which I imagine against my skin, my neck, my breasts… You with your dark tanned skin I long to feel against my own skin. You who turn my world upside down. You who are forbidden and yet allowed. You who treats me coldly and warm and hot and bothered. You, friend or foe. You who can never be mine. You who never really cared because why would you when I’m darkness and you are light, I’m empty but you are full of life, I’m pain and you are fine.

You boy… You are heaven and sin. You hurt so good against my skin. You boy who made me special for a few minutes… who lit up a path in my dying heart… who for a moment made it all less boring. You boy you keep on living while I return to myself and hide in my cave and watch you move on as I die one more day.

So long, hello

So long, sun, and with you another day wasted on sadness and maddening thoughts.

So long to scorching desires buried in properness and religious guilt.

So long to you leaving work after a tiresome day only to be welcomed by more troubles at home.

So long farewell friends who always plan on meeting but never do because of life, and love, and lost and emptiness.

So long nation and social networks that have become nations and shout for freedom and drop bombs while preaching for peace.

So long, so long…

Hello, moon, with your mysterious airs and lovers’ enchantments.

Hello creatures of the night coming out hungry for food and love and fuck.

Hello there stars in the sky and nightclubs drinking to the oblivion of such a wonderful life.

Hello couples and friends of couples and double-dates and triple-dates full of laughter and colourful drinks named specifically to make you yearn for that special night where everything is allowed but nothing is truly permitted.

Hello envy and jealousy after that fun night at the bar spent in funny gossip but bitter comments and poisonous points of views.

Hello there solitary man and woman hating everyone while wanting everyone.

Hello break of dawn.

So long, moon.

Good morning, sun, lazily rising to warm our lonely rancid hearts. And thank you for trying.