Maturity

And with maturity comes a sense of unknowing what was known. A loss of sweetness and gain of sadness. A darkness that grows at each passing day, crawling under every crack made. You hope for joy, you get undone. You long for freedom where there is none. You crave for love that isn’t there, you feel the void of emptiness. You bare your soul for hopeless tenderness. You bare you body for desire and compassion. What is there but disappointment and despair.

What do you live for if not for death. 

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A part of me died today

A part of me died today

that part where dreams are made

and illusions are held in golden cages

A part of me died today

buried with half-broken hopes

and cracked joys

and half-consumed ecstasies

and blown up soap bubbles

A part of me was gone today

and said farewell to promises

and spit on my shallow happiness

and left me here to cry and bleed
A part of me was gone today

and I’m afraid I will never recover
that part of me who should be assertive

and should be adult

and should make me feel better, not worse
that part of me called self-esteem…


(Drawing by Alice Fagiolo)

Carlos Eduardo, my betta companion

Here is an ode (in pictures) to my clever little blue betta splendens fish. 

The seven chapels sanctuary

Thank the heavens for blessed places where you can go to recharge your strength and inner peace. The Seven Chapels Sanctuary is one of those places for me. It is located in Ribeirão Preto, Brazil, at Morro de São Bento. The chapels are disposed in a semi-circle surrounded by rocks, and each bares the name of a saint. The first was built in 1948 and the last in 1955. They were envisioned by monks and built by locals. It is a great place to go even if you’re not Catholic if only for the pleasant atmosphere.

I always take pictures when I go there, so here are a few. The app used was photolab.

You boy

You with your smile which can light up my world and burn my insides at the same time. You with your cropped raven hair which begs for a touch and a tender caress. You with your full red lips which I so want to bite and kiss and feel against my own lips. You with that sharp tongue of yours which I imagine against my skin, my neck, my breasts… You with your dark tanned skin I long to feel against my own skin. You who turn my world upside down. You who are forbidden and yet allowed. You who treats me coldly and warm and hot and bothered. You, friend or foe. You who can never be mine. You who never really cared because why would you when I’m darkness and you are light, I’m empty but you are full of life, I’m pain and you are fine.

You boy… You are heaven and sin. You hurt so good against my skin. You boy who made me special for a few minutes… who lit up a path in my dying heart… who for a moment made it all less boring. You boy you keep on living while I return to myself and hide in my cave and watch you move on as I die one more day.

Monalisa smile

As you look at the mirror do you wonder what is behind your Monalisa smile? 

Do you see yourself as a saint, or do you have erotic secrets you hide? 

What is behind that smirk? Is it contempt for your life? Do you fear what others may think and what you can’t deny? 

And behind those sad eyes in which the universe can be seen, what do you see?

Do you see yourself as the hero or the villain of your story?

Behind that smile, are your fears like mine and our anxieties alike? 

Behind those eyes, are you terrified of goodbyes? 

What are the truths and lies behind that ambiguous smile?

Are you up to face the world or hide?

Stay or run away? 

Break apart or break away? 

One day, Monalisa, one day your smile will give your secrets away.