And on the 7th day, I did a little bit of self-discovering.
For as long as I can remember, I never liked to be called Alice, because everytime someone learned my name, they would either call me Aline or Alice in Wonderland. And the same old question would soon follow: ‘How’s Wonderland, Alice?’ or ‘Is it all wonderful in Wonderland?’ It got tiresome and some days I wished I had another name.
Alice was my grandmother’s name, but I think my parents chose it because they simply liked it. I never met her, but I’ve always heard great things about her. Despite the fact she had a sad childhood and suffered from panic attacks in a time no one even knew what those were, she seemed like a strong and happy woman. We shared a name in common and panic attacks.
As I got older I embraced my name as part of my identity. I even embraced Alice in Wonderland. I stopped making a big deal out of all the jokes. Instead, I became Lily Wonderland. I now cherish my name not only because it was my grandma’s but also because Alice in Wonderland was a great character.
But I am still on the path of discovering myself and my persona.
As I was opening Keri Smith’s ‘The Imaginary World of…’, I was asked to make a list of what makes me unique or different.
Well… I have no idea. Most of the time I feel quite ordinary, but in my mind I can do the most extraordinary things. I guess what makes me unique is not my name – lots of girls nowadays are called Alice – but the fact that I am just… me, whatever that means.
I dream a lot. Sometimes too much. Sometimes my dreams hurt and I am reminded of Dumbledore’s wise words to Harry: ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Remember that’. I guess I do forget from time to time that I am very much alive and kicking.
I miss being truly inspired. I wish right now I was walking in the streets of London, or Paris, or Rome. I wish I was sitting in a Café with a great book for company, and a notebook for when my muse decided to grace me with her presence. I wish, most of all, that my beloved ones were with me enjoying a day of leisure.
I wish I wish I wish…
I wish for so many things. Does that make me unique or just another lost soul in the crowd?