From my sketchbook
with your perky breasts and your curvy silhouette
and your fertile belly and your silky hair
with wine full lips and peachy skin
and open arms which embrace longing and sin
with desires and yearning pouring from every inch
make me your eager pupil
teach me how to seduce
pour me your honey, drown me in lust
show me how to drive him mad with a simple touch
lend me your velvet tongue
so I can suck him dry
and make him mine
and bite his lips
and feel his hands on my thighs
his fingers on my clitoris
going lower, sliding inside
making me wet and crying with need
goddess of love and of all sexual needs
allow me the erotic
let me bathe in your powerful scent
let me take him while he takes me
let us cry in tender agony
lose ourselves in frenzy ecstasy
let us rapture while we rupture
with all our fears and hate
snap my rationality completely
allow me to go mad with desire
and with the friction come like fire
consuming everything around me
my heart, my soul, my body
leave me naked, bare my all
tear down all my tinted walls
open my veins and let me bleed
let desire consume me
let me love, be loved, be free
You with your smile which can light up my world and burn my insides at the same time. You with your cropped raven hair which begs for a touch and a tender caress. You with your full red lips which I so want to bite and kiss and feel against my own lips. You with that sharp tongue of yours which I imagine against my skin, my neck, my breasts… You with your dark tanned skin I long to feel against my own skin. You who turn my world upside down. You who are forbidden and yet allowed. You who treats me coldly and warm and hot and bothered. You, friend or foe. You who can never be mine. You who never really cared because why would you when I’m darkness and you are light, I’m empty but you are full of life, I’m pain and you are fine.
You boy… You are heaven and sin. You hurt so good against my skin. You boy who made me special for a few minutes… who lit up a path in my dying heart… who for a moment made it all less boring. You boy you keep on living while I return to myself and hide in my cave and watch you move on as I die one more day.
As you look at the mirror do you wonder what is behind your Monalisa smile?
Do you see yourself as a saint, or do you have erotic secrets you hide?
What is behind that smirk? Is it contempt for your life? Do you fear what others may think and what you can’t deny?
And behind those sad eyes in which the universe can be seen, what do you see?
Do you see yourself as the hero or the villain of your story?
Behind that smile, are your fears like mine and our anxieties alike?
Behind those eyes, are you terrified of goodbyes?
What are the truths and lies behind that ambiguous smile?
Are you up to face the world or hide?
Stay or run away?
Break apart or break away?
One day, Monalisa, one day your smile will give your secrets away.
So long, sun, and with you another day wasted on sadness and maddening thoughts.
So long to scorching desires buried in properness and religious guilt.
So long to you leaving work after a tiresome day only to be welcomed by more troubles at home.
So long farewell friends who always plan on meeting but never do because of life, and love, and lost and emptiness.
So long nation and social networks that have become nations and shout for freedom and drop bombs while preaching for peace.
So long, so long…
Hello, moon, with your mysterious airs and lovers’ enchantments.
Hello creatures of the night coming out hungry for food and love and fuck.
Hello there stars in the sky and nightclubs drinking to the oblivion of such a wonderful life.
Hello couples and friends of couples and double-dates and triple-dates full of laughter and colourful drinks named specifically to make you yearn for that special night where everything is allowed but nothing is truly permitted.
Hello envy and jealousy after that fun night at the bar spent in funny gossip but bitter comments and poisonous points of views.
Hello there solitary man and woman hating everyone while wanting everyone.
Hello break of dawn.
So long, moon.
Good morning, sun, lazily rising to warm our lonely rancid hearts. And thank you for trying.
Suddenly I realize I need to slow down. Slow down my negative thoughts and even my positive – quite rare – ones. I need to give myself a break from everyone and everything, including myself. Forget the anxiety I feel for the clock ticking and my heart beating and bleeding for the right things but mostly the wrong ones.
Make plans without the pressure of time and people breathing down my neck. Just look up, take it all in, let the tears roll down without shame and guilt. Just let it all go and let it all be.
It turns out I still need Advil.